Hough Counseling and Assessments PLLC

Time of Renewal

Spring is finally here! I love this time of year. After the seemingly stillness, desolate and frozen chill of winter, the renewal of spring begins a feeling of vibrancy and newness. I love to see the sun in the sky as the days grow a little longer. I love to hear the beautiful song of the birds in the trees each morning. I love the fresh almost sweet fragrance in the air after a spring rain. This time of year brings a sense of hope and revival. Just as the seasons change externally we may also go through seasonal changes in our personal lives.  How do we find renewal in seasons of change? I hope the following will serve as helpful strategies as we embark upon a new season.

1. Sense what season you are in. Just as we use our senses to recognize spring is here, we should also start to pay attention and sense when change is occurring personally. Change can be scary but it can also be exciting. Enjoy the moment of change by reflecting on the subtle changes you see. If you have been in a winter period of stillness whether it is emotional, interpersonal, financial, or career and you begin to see a subtle change for the better, acknowledge that change. All too often we magnify the negative and never notice movement towards the positive. This acknowledgment of change will in turn produce hope and can begin the process of renewal.
2. Prepare for renewal. Each season we prepare our lawn. We plant our seeds for flowers to grow. If you are like me you look forward to new spring fashions where bulky coats and scarves are replaced with sundresses and cute sandals. It would be unusual to hold on to your winter coat in May because you are used to it. It would be ridiculous to prepare your snow blower in spring instead of your lawnmower. So, it would stand to reason that when you are transitioning from winter to spring in your life, you should do something to prepare. Change is inevitable. Preparation for change can provide an easier period of renewal.
3. Continue to grow. This statement does not require much explanation. Anything that does not grow ceases to exist. The stillness of winter provides a period of introspection and calm. The period of spring provides an opportunity for growth. This growth, while embraced, yields great beauty.

The change of seasons is to be embraced. It is my hope that during this time we take a moment and sense where we are, prepares for the new, and continue to grow. I hope we also take time to stop and smell the roses.

Author

Alicia Lurry

We Need to Talk

We need to talk. Those four simple but powerful words can often send  surges of fear, uncertainty, apprehension, and confusion into the heart and mind of most people. If you utter those words to your spouse, friend, child, co-worker, or employee  you may see their body language shift to a defensive stance. Why are these words so powerful? Why are we afraid to talk? Do we believe that it is better for issues to remain hidden?

We all have struggled with this dilemma. Whether we are the recipient of the talk or the initiator. I believe it is essential to any healthy relationship to be able to have open and honest communication. Communication is the key. Effective communication involves a healthy dialogue  between individuals in an effort to arrive at an acceptable level of mutual respect and understanding.  In order for this communication to occur transparency regarding feelings is needed. In other words we must address the elephant in the room before he takes up all the space and prevents us from moving forward (try to get a visual image of that). My personal belief is that what is hidden can never be healed. So, what should we do next when we need to talk?

1. Be specific about your goals. For instance, if you hope to address the issue of careless spending with your spouse let that be the focus of the conversation. This particular conversation is not the time to bring up your frustration over the dirty socks he or she (usually he) leaves on the floor. If we stick to the topic the desired result or solution is more likely to occur.
2. Face your fear when addressing difficult subjects. Anxiety is often the result of fear of the unknown. We often create scenarios regarding what may happen that are not always based in reality. When we face our fear we often find the thing we feared the most did not happen. Also you never know if the person you need to talk with may have the same feelings but needed assistance bringing the issue to the surface.
3. Do not be disappointed if all is not resolved. In a perfect world everyone will be in agreement and no one will be offended during a difficult conversation. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. If the conversation ends with disagreement and hard feelings it is ok. It may take some time for individuals to reach an understanding. The important part is to say what needs to be said in a respectful and compassionate manner. There are times when we must agree to disagree and remain respectful of one another’s position.

Ultimately the goal in having the talk is to foster open and honest communication. It can be difficult but I believe it is necessary to avoid larger problems in the future.

Author Alicia Lurry